How to catch a Samoan Bus

We've been back in Portland for awhile now, but I can't get out of my head the experience of riding a Samoan bus to our Fale in Lalomanu. I knew we were in trouble when the brochure claimed "Samoan buses come in a variety of colours!" Nothing about timeliness, comfort or style. Oh well...
So here's a time-line of how it went on March 14th on our way across 'Upolu:

9:00 AM - Check bus schedule at our hotel - buses to Lalomanu depart the Fish Market in Apia at 10:30, 11:00, and 11:30 - awesome. Catch taxi to the craft market/fish market for the morning.

10:00 AM - Enjoy a fine lunch of fried chicken at the craft market.

10:40 AM - A little bored, head over to catch the 11:00 bus to Lalomanu - beach here we come!

10:45 AM - Ask the teenage "bus driver's assistant" what time we're leaving. 11? No, 11:15? No. Noon, he says. Try to keep wife from kicking the kid.

11:00 AM - Decide he's actually right. Send Janwyn back into the market to pick up a few other crafts. Notice an amazing amount of people boarding the bus. Maybe we're leaving early?

11:20 AM - Board bus. Wait.

11:40 AM - Wait. More people board the bus.

12 noon - Waiting, folks sitting in laps as well as standing. Notice that I'm the only "White" person on the bus and my wife is the only Asian. Huh.

12:15 PM - We pull out of the bus corral! Yay, we're on our way!

12:20 PM - Notice we're pulling into the vegetable market 3 blocks away. What?

12:30 PM - We spin through, apparently, the bus driver didn't see anyone he recognized, so we're BACK to the Bus corral. We've been on the bus over an hour and have gone in a giant circle. But at least we have seats.

12:40 PM - FINALLY leave the bus corral FOR REAL this time. We're headed East out of Town.

12:45 PM - Uh oh, spoke to soon. We stop for gas and EVERYONE gets off the bus! This is like doing your grocery shopping at Super America. We're we not just at the Market? What gives? Janwyn and I are beside ourselves.

12:46 PM - Notice a gal selling ice cream outside the store (mmmmm, ice cream). Decide to sign up for a cone for 4 Tala (that's $1.30 to you Americans). This is going to be awesome!

12:47 PM - Watch the bus creep ahead with my wife frantically waving on-board. All the sudden ice cream doesn't sound so good. Jump back on the bus.

12:50 PM - JUST KIDDING! The bus driver wanted to make sure the gas works, so pulled ahead 10 feet. WE'RE STILL WAITING!

1:15 PM - Everybody back on the bus. Fun Times in 100% humidity. We're on the road again.

1:30 PM - We're rolling now! Yee-haw!

2:00 PM - Hope the transmission holds out as we creep up the hill. 10 kms per hour. Feel that breeze!

2:30 PM - We start dropping folks off. At the end of their driveways.

2:32 PM - Another stop.

2:33 PM - 5 meters down the road, another stop.

2:34 PM - 10 meters down the road, another stop. It occurs to me a fantastic idea hasn't hit Samoans yet - a bus stop!

2:35 PM, 2:37 PM, 2:41 PM, and on and on until 3:30 - you get the idea. I should have ridden a turtle across the island.

3:45 PM - We see the sign saying we're in Lalomanu! Huzzah! We keep an eye out for Litia Sini, and our Fales.

3:50 PM - Take a turn off the road towards Lalomanu school. Are we on a side trip?

3:55 PM - We c-r-e-e-p past a Saturday afternoon Rugby game. Everyone leans out the window to watch.

4:00 PM - Pull a U-Turn at the end of the road. I don't recall anyone getting off the bus on this side trip...

4:05 PM - We STOP, engines off, as EVERYONE watches the Rugby game intently. Wow, we're never going to get there!

4:08 PM - We on the move - Oh wait, the bus driver just realized he could sit in the shade if he pulled ahead 10 feet - we're still watching the game.

4:15 PM - On the move again. Tired, sweaty, and ready to get off the bus.

4:25 PM - Yell out as we pass Litia Sini - That's our resort, jump off, pay 16 Tala for the pleasure, and get set to enjoy the fantastic views of the surf.

Total Distance: 35 kms --- Travel Time: 4 hours, 5 minutes.